I am a born planner. There is nothing that thrills me more than going to the store to buy a new planner and new pen to create some kind of outline for a plan.
As a young child, I used to love writing (yes actually writing on paper) out plans for businesses I might one day start, or buildings I would design, or how I would plan out a visit from the queen (didn't matter where she was queen of, just that she was queen). As I grew up that brain power was put to full use in scheduling my days filled with school work, and homework, and social events.
But now as a mom, when most of my days are exact repeats of the day before - maybe a grilled cheese lunch in stead of a BPJ lunch- that part of my brain aches to be used. So I dream up great ideas of how next week will be different.
Now don't get me wrong, I do have some follow through on my plans - and those plans are nice when I'm tired and can't think of what my next step should be (as a mom of two young boys, they often have twice the energy). But as you can imagine, my ability to plan never really takes into consideration the time it takes and the effort needed to execute my ideas. So some of the plan never happens.
And that is what I am learning to accept.
I have to be alright with living today, and doing what I can, and letting the rest go.
So what if we spent two full hours in the sprinkler and that meant we didn't work on the letter of the day?
Or even more importantly, when my plans move too far into the future, and the what if's start popping up. Then in the midst of those what if's I realize I simply cannot do it all which leads to feelings of dread and overwhelming anxiety.
In those moments, I have to let go of my plans and wishes and remember it's not part of my blueprint to carry out every little thought that comes to my head in my own abilities. I wasn't created to do that. I was created to work hard - but working hard doesn't mean I have to do it all on my own. In fact I should try. I should work hard at trusting that it will work out well.
That is when I start over. I pick just a couple of days - today, tomorrow - and plan those. I stay in the present in order to enjoy it, in order to work it, in order to live it fully. As that is what I was created for - to live my life fully, in the present.
Thank you Lisa-Jo for giving this week's FMF topic of present and reminding me what I was created for. Want to join? Stop by Lisa Jo's